Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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