Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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