And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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