When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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