I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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