any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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