So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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