Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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