Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
