the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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