Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dignity is for republicans.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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