morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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