I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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