We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have fence marks all over my body
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
