I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
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When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
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I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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