she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
No subtext here. People are naked.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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