doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
