honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
