You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
