Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
