proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
