No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
