worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
