i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
