I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
