she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
