I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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