Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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