I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
