i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
