You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
