when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
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Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
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I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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