Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i believe in u and ur pee
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
