i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
