The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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