I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
