Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
