I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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