I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
