There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
