does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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