I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
