is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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