Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
