My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
