worst night to have a conscience
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
pray to the hookup gods
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
