I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
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seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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