be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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