the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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