So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
