he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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