On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
