i already hear my dad disowning me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
