dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just blew my weed a kiss
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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