I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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