we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
