STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
