She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
