I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
