Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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