maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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