he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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